How to Really Feel Your Feelings
The other day, while reflecting on the stuck-ness I feel currently in my life: stuck-ness around work, around where I live, and stuck-ness around next steps, I wondered what exact fear was I unconsciously harboring that was keeping me in my current life situation. That night, when I was too tired to think straight, a feeling bubbled up in me - some deeper part of me, one that feels like my inner-child, or my inner-voice, or the me that speaks in whispers, opposed to small talk and conversations on the train - and what she said was this: You feel unworthy.
There it was: the very feeling I didn't want to feel; the thought that snuck into my consciousness like an undercurrent, something just below the surface that I didn't have to recognize, because I was too busy with life; too busy working, running errands, making time to see my partner, going to barbecues, and watching Netflix.
This morning, I wrote out some of my fears, and I just cried.
The truth is: We push our feelings down. We eat our fears away, or shop them away, or we stay with people who will stir up so much drama in our lives that we'll be too busy to look - to really look - at our sadness, our traumas, and our deep feelings of unworthiness.
This is what it means to be unconscious: We live life at the surface-level, and we are so focused on illusions that we can't see the great undercurrents of pain we're dragging around with us. We wonder why our lives don't change, and it's because we can't change until we've felt our feelings. We have to become aware of our unconscious fears and feelings of unworthiness before we can transmute them. We have to put down the remote, or the spoonful of ice cream, and we have to look.
We have to ask ourselves: What's stirring around in there? Why am I holding on to the weight? Why am I afraid to move? What are my fears about getting closer to this person.
We have to be willing to feel the sadness that arises when we truly discover the answers to those questions, because it is only when we truly feel our feelings that we are able to release or transmute them. Most of the time, we are unaware of our guilt, shame, and deep traumas. When we look, we can heal them, wrap our psychic arms around them and confess our willingness to heal.
Really feeling our feelings is the first step. It requires some alone time in which simply sit, ask, and listen. It might help to play soft reiki music, or journal, which can help us connect to our heart center. Then, when the feelings bubble up, our only job is to really feel them. Unconscious fears are simply asking for our attention. When we are willing to look at them, we shine a light on them, and it only takes the slightest sliver for the to disappear completely. When we shine the light of consciousness on our unconscious fears, they vanish, because they have nowhere to hide, nowhere to rest, unnoticed, causing stagnancy and pain with their grieving stories.