How to Be a Better Person

Before I tell you how to be a better a person, I have to start by saying that you are perfectly wonderful just as you are. Before you can reach your next level of growth, you must be willing to accept yourself with all of your perceived flaws and areas of improvement. You can only expand your consciousness and actualize the next level of yourself when you do so from a place of self-acceptance.

Once you are at peace with where you are (overweight, depressed, working at a crummy job, in debt, dateless, or whatever your current situation is) then you can begin to shift your mindset and make changes in your life. 

There are 3 keys to actualizing your full potential, or stepping into your Highest Self, the version of you that is confident, pursues her dreams, and thinks and behaves in a loving way.

Key #1: Don’t focus on changing everything at once.

One surefire block to becoming a better person is not having clarity on which specific part of your life you’re seeking to change and what that might look like. It’s possible that you have several areas of growth, such as making better food choices, healing the relationship you have with your partner, and committing to a spiritual practice. When you have several growth points, it’s easy to want to change everything at once, but that will only lead to your feeling overwhelmed.

Here’s the key: It’s much easier to focus on becoming better in one area of your life at a time. Decide at the start of every month which area of your life you want to focus on. You might want to clean out and organize your space in January. Come February, it might be time to put yourself out there, by taking a salsa class, or joining a community group to meet new people. March might be the time you want to move your body more, or do activities that are grounding, such as connecting with nature. 

If you want to succeed at anything, you have to start small. A book gets written one word at a time. A body becomes fit after a series of small choices have been made. You save a relationship after making many small decisions: to forgive, to give a compliment, or to plan a weekend getaway. Nothing happens all at once. Your greatest growth will come after you make many small shifts. Don’t fall into the trap of setting unrealistic goals, because you want to change your whole life in three weeks. There’s no quick-fix to become a better person. It requires patience, which comes with spiritual maturity.

Personal growth is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself.

Key #2: “Better” looks different for everyone.

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Wouldn’t it be nice if there was one roadmap to the perfect life, and all you had to do was get a hold of it, and, presto, you’d have clarity about how to become better. Even though that sounds easy enough, it’s a lot less fun than how personal growth truly works, which is that you have an individual path that you can receive through intuitive guidance when you tap in and listen. You can do this through meditation, reading and then reflecting on spiritual texts, such as A Course in Miracles, or doing spiritual journaling practices, such as automatic writing. Check out my secrets to developing a powerful journaling practice by reading Journal Writing as a Spiritual Practice.

Once you sit quietly and ask for guidance, either through prayer, or setting an intention early in the morning while you are sitting in silence, you will discover what your next step is in terms of becoming a better version of you. Better for one person might mean stepping out of her comfort zone and dating, whereas better for another person might be committing to being single for one month to focus on doing inner-work. Whereas one person might need to stand up for herself more, another person might need to become more easy-going and learn how to compromise. For someone, her next step is to move out of her family’s house, because it’s emotionally unhealthy, but for someone else, becoming better could mean healing her relationship with her mom.

What does becoming better look like for you? Set the intention to receive the answer. Then, sit quietly, take a few deep breaths, and commence to journey inward. Listen to that still, small voice inside of you and open up to its directives, even if they seem out of the blue. Spirit tends to be surprising, so you never know what the next evolution of you could entail.

Also, be sure to read How to Discover Your Next Step in Life for even more guidance on how to gain clarity on your life if you feel stuck or overwhelmed.

Key #3: Becoming the next version of yourself will require being uncomfortable, and it will kick up resistance.

The final key is the most important, because if you don’t understand the nature of change, you’ll let resistance get in the way of your personal transformation. Here’s what you need to understand: Any time you decide to release negative patterns or make positive changes in your life, there will be a part of you that will resist change (even if it’s good). This part of you, which is called the ego, is also the part of you that self-sabotages. It’s the part of you that chooses to not workout, and instead, convinces you that it’s a good idea to sit home and eat cookies. It’s the part of you that pushes away that nice guy, and instead, texts that jerk with firm abs. It’s the part of you that procrastinates, that tells you to send in that application, or start that website later. 

That part of you won’t like your positive changes. It won’t like that you want to get a better job, eat healthier, or desire to commit to meditating every morning. That part of you lives in a state of resistance. It clings to unhappiness, and it fights change, as change feels so uncomfortable.

As you learn what your next step is and you try to taken action steps, you will kick up resistance. Your inner-talk will become negative, telling you things like you can’t do it, or you’re not good enough. When this happens (and it will), keep moving forward. Let you fears surface, but don’t let them stop you from stepping into the next version of yourself. Keep moving forward in spite of the resistance.

Self-actualization can feel confusing, but with a little willingness to tap into your intuition and take small actions each day, you can transform yourself, which will lead to your manifesting a life that you love. Be patient, and keep reminding yourself of your intentions and the vision you have for both yourself, as well as your life.

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Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned & mindful dating advice. If you’d like to set up a session, I can help you to gain clarity on your next step & help you to manifest a life that you love.