You're Awakening, But Your Life Sucks Even More

You’re awakening, and even though you’ve never meditated, prayed, or experienced unity consciousness quite like you have been lately, it seems as though your life sucks even more than it did when you were unconscious. Why is it that the more you awaken, the more you gain clarity about your spiritual nature, the more you’re willing to face trauma from the past to heal it, speak your truth, and pursue your passions, well, your life begins to crumble like poorly made pie crust? Here are the reasons why your life sucks (and what you can do about it):

1.Relationships, circumstances, and habits that no longer serve you begin to fall away.

Have you broken up recently? Distanced yourself from your friend group? Left a job, a living situation, or a city that you no longer resonated with? As you begin to wake up, people, situations, and even habits will fall away. All of a sudden, you have fewer friends, no date for Friday night, and right when you think your life should be getting better, it seems to be getting worse. Well, the truth is that your life is getting better; the Universe is simply clearing out people and situations who are no longer serving your highest good. That person who left was not your soulmate. Your friend group was more interested in gossip and complaining, than they were in being supportive, loving, and encouraging of your spiritual journey. That roommate had to go, because he brought nothing but drama and stress into your life. 

As you awaken, you realize that, when you were unconscious, you created quite a mess of your life. You attracted people and circumstances that were low-vibrating: people who complain, get angry, and talk negatively. The good news is: You are no longer an energetic match to those things. You need to stop dating atheists, hanging out with negative friends, and spending your Saturday nights drinking too many cocktails to numb yourself. I’m not saying that it’s easy to let go, as oftentimes, it can feel like an exorcism, but you have to keep the faith that everything will work out. Whatever is falling away was only keeping you back. Let the weights drop.

2.You’re developing a spiritual ego in lieu of your worldly ego.

You’ve come to realize that most of your identity (if not all of it) is a result of beliefs you were taught as a child, messages from the world (from advertisements, television, etc.), and psychic programming you picked up from the collective consciousness. You dress a certain way to fit in. Your job makes your parents happy. You went to college, because that’s just what people do. You go shopping and pay for things on credit card, eat fast food, and pop sleeping pills and anti-depressants. You call yourself conservative, preppy, or hipster. You like to identify as vegan, paleo, or cross-fit aficionado.

However, now that you’re awakening, you’ve come to recognize that your habits, interests, and self-concept is is not authentic. However, you’ve replaced one false identity with another - your spiritual identity! You’re no longer Sarah, the unconscious secretary; your’e Sara, the spiritual yoga teacher!

You’ve replaced one ego with another.

Now yes, the spiritual ego is a step up (for the purpose of explanation, we’ll use hierarchical terms); the spiritual ego is more patient, doesn’t complain as much, and wants to spend its time watching Gabrielle Bernstein videos instead of Kim Kardashian. It’s certainly an improvement, however, it’s still an ego. This spiritual persona, dressed in crystals, bohemian attire, and feather earrings isn’t you.

You are the consciousness experiencing itself as a spiritual being.

It’s easy to forget that your “identity” is not your true self. You’re not a yoga teacher, an acupuncturist, or a life coach, you’re infinite awareness observing life through the eyes of a human being. When you replace one ego with another, you simply move your identification with form from reality television to spiritual videos. You replace your complaining friends with high-vibrating friends. Still, this is not the real you. You are not your body (you have a body). You are not your thoughts (you are the observer watching your thoughts as they come and go). You are here, on this earth, for what will eventually feel like the tiniest hiccup of a moment, to demonstrate the love that you are as your very being, not to believe that you are Sue, a fit 36-year-old who loves amethyst and mandalas. Your life sucks, because you’ve awoken from your unconscious life, but you’re still not quite sure who you really are. You’ve replaced one mask with another. 

3.Negativity bothers you even more now that you’re awakening.

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It’s taken you a certain amount of effort to stop complaining, let go of low-vibrating television and movies, and take radical responsibility for your life. You’ve stepped out of victim-consciousness, which says, Life is unfair. Why does this happen to me? And you’ve come to accept that you create your reality with your thoughts, beliefs, actions, and words. Now, when people complain or talk about things from a victim mindset, you can’t stand it! It feels like you’re listening to nails on a chalkboard. You enjoyed the peacefulness of your morning meditation so much that you can’t imagine sitting in your office for another minute, listening to Tom from accounting continue to bitch about the boss. In fact, an anger rises up in you the more he complains.

Here’s the key: You’re no longer negative, but your resisting negativity.

I’ll say it again, because that’s a tweet-worthy nugget for sure: You’re no longer negative, but you’re resisting negativity.

Let Tom complain. Let your mom moan about the weather, how your aunt is annoying, and why the government is going to kill us all. Be at peace with the fact that no one has to shift their mindset to appease you. Love allows all things, and you are an expression of love. Stop judging others for being unconscious, because it’s making you go unconscious! Commit to loving people who complain. Don’t do it for them. Do it, because you are on a spiritual journey, and you are here to extend only love.

4.You are still seeking for joy in external conditions.

You’ve read all the books on manifestation. You’ve watched countless videos about the law of attraction. You’ve meditated every morning this week, because you’re hoping that a raise in your vibration will make you more of a match to abundance, but you’re still in debt, and that promotion you’ve been visualizing hasn’t manifested in reality! You’re starting to think this ascension movement is a bunch of bullshit!

Here’s the kicker: You’ll be happy when you get that promotion. You’ll be happy when your partner cleans the house. You’ll be happy when your kids do their homework. You’ll be happy when…

You’re still stuck in the loop of conditional happiness, and here’s the reason why you need to get out: When you manifest in one area of your life, you’ll find discontentment in another. As soon as you get the promotion, you’ll decide you need a better car. As soon as your partner organizes his files, you’ll decide he needs to spend less money. You need to step out of the conditioned way of thinking, which is that we need more to be happy; we need to be more, do more, and have more. Stop it. It’s all an illusion. You’re never going to get there. There is no there. There is only here and now.

5.You haven’t freed yourself from the human condition just yet.

All this to say, you’re awakening, but you’re still not awake. You dip in and out of consciousness. You have moments when you experience transcendence; you receive divine messages, clarity, and you experience a heart opening that makes you weep from an overwhelming feeling of love. Then, Monday comes, and you’re grumpy in the office. 

You are waking up, but you haven’t committed to living, moment-by-moment, from a place of presence. You’re still stuck in your ego (your spiritual ego), and that’s okay, because it’s a process. It’s a journey. You’re never going to get there, but you can choose to show up from a place of love. You can choose to detach from the world of form while still existing in the world of form. You can choose to experience joy, even while you’re single, 20 pounds over weight, and in that job you despise. 

You don’t need to be unhappy all of the time. Things don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to chase after your goals: a better job, a bigger house, and a more organized kitchen pantry. You can feel content now, right where you are, because you are consciousness having this life experience, and it’s so fucking beautiful.

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Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned & mindful dating advice. I believe you can be spiritual and a badass. I believe you can live boldly, pursue your passions, & love fully. If you’d like to work with me, send me a message.