How to Make REAL Change in Your Life

You want to know how to make real change in your life - how to develop better habits, attract a partner, improve your relationship, or get out of debt. You’re a chronic procrastinator, self-saboteur, or drama queen. You recognize negative patterns, but you just can’t seem to break them. How do you make real change in your life, not the kind that you can only maintain for a week, like a fad diet, but the kind that will release blocks and attract your heart’s desires? How can you stretch your boundaries, step out of your comfort zone, and live fearlessly, when it can feel hard enough to do a load of laundry once a week and remember to buy vegetables when you’re at the supermarket?

Here’s step #1: Recognize that you’ve been thinking the same thoughts for 30, 40, or more years. You’ve been operating out programming you inherited from your parents and the media You’ve watched countless romantic and “reality” TV shows, and so your beliefs about love are totally inaccurate. You’ve heard your parents talk about money from a vibration of lack, and so you picked up fears around finances that still affect you today. You’ve grown used to negative self-talk, and you haven’t the faintest idea how absolutely horribly you speak to yourself, because it’s just become a matter of habit.

You’ve been doing things the same way for 30, 40, or more years. You’ve had the same habits of thinking, behaving, and interacting with people. You’ve developed a complex personality, continually adding on to your beliefs, political ideas, talk of nutrition, and thoughts on culture. Surely, you must be exhausted of thinking by now, or at the very least, you must be tired of you.

It’s time to give it up.

Just stop. Stop thinking you know everything. Stop dating the same type of people over and over again. Stop sabotaging your relationships. Stop spending money you don’t have. Stop blaming other people. Stop complaining. Stop questioning if God exists, if you’re a good person, or if you’re ever going to really be happy. Stop thinking you know everything. Stop saying that if only your family, friends, and dates would be different, you’d be happy.

Stop. It’s time for radical change. It’s time to cut the crap. I mean really, how much more of this can you take? Don’t you want to make a real change? Don’t you want to experience peace of mind and joy beyond your wildest imagination. Are you ready for a total transformation?

Here’s the key: For real change, you must be willing to change your perspective. Want to change your experience at work? Be willing to change your perspective. Want to change your body? Be willing to change your perspective. Want to change your financial situation? Be willing to change your perspective, and for goodness gracious, cut it out with all the online shopping.

Your life is a reflection of your perspective.

When you were younger and going through your very first breakup, you thought your heart would never heal from the pain, which was unbearable, yet, as an adult, you can look back and see that you perceived the situation through immature eyes, and, now that you’re older, it’s easy to tell a young person that they shouldn’t expect to marry their first romantic partner. It’s easy to see that you were deluding yourself by thinking that 17-year-old Charlie from Algebra 2 was going to get on his knees at the ripe age of 18 and declare that he wants to be your baby daddy.

Hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, you can see what you were unable to when you were at a different level of consciousness.

What if you could approach the problems in your life now, in this very moment, with the same hindsight you’ll have one, two, or five years from now. What would that take? The answer is simple: be willing to shift your perspective.

Shift to an Aerial View

Imagine this: You are in your life, on earth, and as far as proximity goes, you are right in the thrust of your problems. You feel stuck at work, chronically single, or you wish your relationship was better. You can’t imagine how you’ll save money, or make improvements to your health, especially because you’ve been trying for several years. You are right in the thick of your life. 

Now, imagine you could pop out and be lifted upwards, as if you grew wings and were able to fly right up into the clouds. Suddenly, you’d have a whole other view of life - you’d have an aerial view. From the clouds, you’d look at everything differently. You’d have more compassion for yourself. You’d be able to see the triviality of what you now call problems. You’d be able to detach from your story, the one that keeps replaying in your mind about how your ex is a jerk, or about how you’ll never meet the perfect person. You’d shift from feeling contracted and closed in your body to feeling light and open. 

When you shift to an aerial view, you open up to possibility. You create an emotional and psychic atmosphere that welcomes change. You shift from problem-oriented to solution-oriented.

There are 3 ways to do it:

1.Alter your state of consciousness.


You can alter your consciousness any number of ways, the most popular is meditation. When you observe your thoughts, without distracting yourself with screens or other activities, you alter your brain waves. You experience different emotions. You think different thoughts. You perceive things differently, operating out of an expanded awareness, opposed to limited, egoic awareness. 

Think of it this way: Dogs can perceive that a hurricane is coming well before humans. This is because they have a sense, or awareness, that humans don’t. Humans are limited, insofar as they perceive through all of their experience based on empirical data - what they can see, smell, touch, etc. When you alter your consciousness, you activate your intuition, you tap into the all-knowing universal subconscious mind, and you get ideas and thoughts that you would never have during the course of an ordinary day, perceiving life as you always have.

If you know meditation would be beneficial, but you just can’t seem to bring yourself to actually sit down and do it, be sure to check out my video The Real Reason Why You Don’t Meditate.

2.Pray for right-mindedness.

Here is the simplest prayer you can ever speak: I choose again. This comes from the spiritual text A Course in Miracles is a self-study curriculum aimed at retraining the mind.Don’t pray for the divine to fix your problems; instead, pray for what the Course refers to as “right-mindedness,” which simply means you’ve aligned your perception with spirit. Feeling insecure, anxious, or sad about something in your life. Say it 5,000 times a day if you have to: I choose again. I choose again. I choose again. 

Prayer will loosen the stronghold of fear that takes over your mind. Prayer leads to miracles, as well as revelation. Do not underestimate the power of prayer, as it is a vehicle for radical change in your life, but you have to actually do it. Pray about the areas of your life that cause you unrest, stress, or sadness. Ask to see them different. Open up to shifting your perception, and the minute you do, you’ll become aware of possibilities and solutions that you could not access before due to limited beliefs and a negative mindset.

3.Don’t believe your thoughts.


Your mind tells you that you’re right, you’re the best, and everyone else is an asshole. Stop believing your thoughts! You call yourself fat when you’re not! You say there are no good men out there, when there are! Your mind comes up with all kinds of nonsense. If you want to change your life, question everything you think, or believe about whatever’s troubling you. Love problems? What thoughts do you need to start questioning?

Once, I was looking for a new job. I felt that I need to spend every minute of the day sending out resumes and stressing, otherwise I’d never find a job. One night, while meditating, it occurred to me that I had been operating out of a frantic energy. My Spirit told me that I needed to relax, and in fact, I needed to press the pause button on submitting resumes, because I was not going to manifest a job from a frantic state of being. I decided to stop looking for a job. I surrendered it over to the universe. Suffice to say, two weeks later, I was contacted by someone who received my resume a few weeks prior, because a position suddenly became available. I was offered the job two days later, despite the normal hiring process, which typically took several weeks. 

So, if you want to make real change in your life, be willing to shift your perception. Decide that you will declare that you don’t know everything with absolute certainty, and there’s a possibility that you’re wrong. Ask the universe to help you see things differently, and not only will you shift your perception, but your entire life will begin to shift. Change comes the minute you’re willing to say that you might not having everything all figured out; it comes when you’re willing to show up differently in this moment.



Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share mindful dating advice, thoughts on awakening & lessons I’ve learned. If you’re interested in setting up a coaching session (more about that here) send me a message.