Scripts that Cause Us Pain

Ever since studying A Course in Miracles, I have been able to identify and release the scripts I have in romantic relationships. I have come to understand how to accept and appreciate my partner for who he is, and everyday, I release him, as well as our relationship, to the universe.

It is my intention to do that with every relationship: release scripts and expectations. This is not to appease the other person, but rather, for the purpose of cultivating my own inner-peace.

This week, the scripts I still hold on to for other people became clear to me. I saw the expectations I have, and it became evident that when my scripts were not being met, it caused me a lot of sadness.

It is a continual process - recognizing and releasing scripts, and letting people react however they choose without taking it personally, without listening to my ego, which says that it should be different.

Holding on to scripts can be exhausting. It is wonderful when others meet them, but it feels terrible when they don't. Ego says, If you were different, I'd be happy. Spirit says, Your perfect just as you are. My peace/joy is not dependent on you, or anything external for that matter.

It is an idea that is easy to understand, and one that can feel tougher to put into practice. My ego wants people to respond to me in a certain way and for my life to look a certain way.

Funny how nothing ever looks the way I planned. God has made it clear to me that I cannot control anything, and I have to release the expectations I have on my life.

There is nothing to control. All I am asked to do is give love unconditionally, withhold nothing, and bear everything. 

That's all.

At the very least, I am willing to do that. I am willing to release scripts. I am willing to let go of the need to control. I am willing to let go of my expectations that my life look a certain way. I am willing to accept that God has a different plan for me than I I have, and that it is definitely better, even If it doesn't appear so at first.

The earth is spinning in this strange galaxy; the sun rises and sets; the tides ebb and flow; everything is perfect. I don't need to change anything or anyone. Everything is in divine order, divine design, even when my ego suggests that it's not.

Here is a helpful prayer: I know I do not like the way I feel, and so I hope that I am wrong. There must be another way of looking at this. 

This cracks our ego when it suggests that people should behave differently or circumstances should be other than they are. We can hope that we are wrong (because we are). I am wrong in my attempt to control and my need for others to respond to me in a certain way. I am wrong, and I hope that I am wrong. I am willing to look at things differently. I am willing to make another choice. I am willing to see all through the eyes of love. I am willing to choose peace.

Jessica Leon