Guidelines for Communicating in a Relationship


Generally speaking, I don’t like to talk about how I feel. When a negative emotion arises, my go-to reaction is to shut down and withdraw. I want to cry, alone, in my apartment, with dignity.

And yet, there are times when it would serve our relationship to communicate our feelings. Oftentimes, we wonder: I am feeling sad - should I tell my partner? Or, I’m upset with something my partner did - should I speak up?

When do you speak your truth, and when is it best to keep quiet? It's not always a great idea to tell our partner that one of his habits is annoying, or that he should change to make us happy. What we focus on, we draw to us via law of attraction, so what I’m saying is: There are times when talking about our problems only bring us more problems. Perpetually nagging our partner to pick up his dirty laundry will only cause resentment and serve as a catalyst for an argument; however, it is imperative that we share our authentic truth and express our feelings.

So how do we know, then? When do I share my negative emotions, and when do I focus on the positive, choosing instead, to shift my perspective and work on my own emotional state (thus, not involving my partner in my funky mood).

Here are the guidelines; it’s quite simple actually:

You must share what you don’t want to share.

Don’t share what you want to share.

Those are the rules: Do the opposite. When the voice in your head tells you the best option is to leave your partner’s house in tears, shut down, and hide your feelings, that’s the exact time you must make the emotionally mature choice open up and communicate about what’s bothering you.

When you are feeling emotional and have the sudden urge to confess your sadness, angry, or delve into a problem that you feel has surfaced within the relationship; it’s just itching to get out, that’s the time to meditate, collect yourself, and wait. Say nothing. Be patient. Don’t share something with your partner out of that energy. That will only open the floodgates.

Our minds, impulsive and rooted in fear, will often rush in to spew out the negative, but withhold thoughts and emotions that bring us closer to love? Why? Because we have deep-rooted fears of intimacy, and we have not been taught to share our truths, just to complain.

Last weekend, when I most wanted to retreat into my shell and keep tight-mouthed, I spoke about my feelings, which didn't feel easy; but as soon as I did, the negative energy within me shifted, and it was like all of the air coming out of a balloon. I let the resistance out.

Try it out. Do the opposite. If you want a different result, try communicating in a new way.


RelationshipsJessica Leon