5 Reasons Why Your Relationship Sucks
Relationships are inherently hard, because they serve as a vehicle growth. Your partner will not only trigger your pain body, meaning, he will bring up all of your insecurities, fears, and past traumas, but he will also help you to heal, love yourself more, and release your blocks. Your partner can help you to become a more conscious and emotionally healthy, but if that’s not happening, it’s because either you or your partner have unconsciously put up roadblocks in your relationship. So, before you can commit to shifting and taking the steps necessary to make your relationship better, you need to identify what’s getting in the way of connecting to your partner in a deeper way.
Here are 5 possible blocks (see which one resonates with you):
#1You’re not communicating.
You think your partner chooses his work over your relationship. You have feelings of jealousy. You’re insecure about your weight gain. Your sex life isn’t fulfilling. You feel like you’ve lost yourself in the relationship. You need more space. And you haven’t told your partner how you feel. You’ve told your friends. You’ve told your mom. You’ve complained to acquaintances; anyone who was willing to listen, really, but you haven’t told your partner. Why? Because it’s hard to open up and be honest, especially when you’re expressing feelings of frustration or sadness, but the things is, every issue you hold that you don’t share with your partner creates more distance between the two of you. Each issue and grievance accumulates, until one, you wake up to realize that you’ve grown apart, but you’re unsure why. It’s because you refused to talk to your partner. You had no problem having sex, but it feels a lot harder to tell him that you don’t like that he texts with his secretary late at night. The key to an awesome relationship is communicating how you feel, even when it’s hard.
#2You’re withholding love.
Your partner tries to snuggle, or initiate sex, and you pull away. Your partner tries to spend more time with you, to include you in his family life, and you say you’re too busy. You pull away from your partner. Instead of drawing closer, you create more distance. You do this unconsciously, of course, as no one makes a plan to pull away in their relationship.
#3You’ve put up walls around your heart.
Your ex-boyfriend-husband-lover-father was a real jerk, and now you have a story about how your current partner is going to leave you or hurt you in some capacity. In an effort to protect yourself from facing the pain you did in the past, you put up your guard. Most of the time, you’re unaware that this is what you’re doing, as your mind gives you a long list of reasons as to why you need to put up your guards. You have doubts about your partner, even though he hasn’t done anything wrong, and you fear that he is going to leave, find someone else, or do something despicable. Instead of your walls serving as protection, they’re creating a distance between you and your partner. You can only let him in so much, and he craves a more intimate connection; he craves vulnerability, openness, honesty, intimacy, and trust, but you’re unwilling to give him these things, because you’re too afraid. I get it. Relationships suck sometimes, but if you find someone worth caring about, don’t ruin your chance at happiness by listening following the voice of fear.
#4You cling to your partner.
You don’t want your partner to go out with the boys. You don’t want him to take that new job. You have fears about him talking to other people, as if he’s going to realize what a dud you are, and run away to join their crowd. You cling to your partner with a death grip, but instead keeping him close, all your fear does is push him away. He feels suffocated. He needs freedom. He needs to spend more time with his friends. He needs for you to trust him more. He feels like he’s losing himself in the relationship, because he spends all of his time with you. A needy energy is a repulsive energy; people run from it, because it is confining. In a loving, healthy relationship, there is a sense of freedom and trust. Both partners have a mindfulness practice; they meditate, pray, and are self-aware. Because of this, when insecurities arise, they become present to them, but they don’t react out of fear. Instead, they surrender their relationship to God and pray to learn how to trust and loosen their grip. They pray for faith and peace of mind.
#5You have scripts for your partner.
Your partner should go out more. Your partner should be more romantic. Your partner should be more ambitious at work. Your partner should plan fun dates for the two of you. Your partner shouldn’t be so emotional. Your partner should be cleaner. Your partner should dress better. You have mental scripts for who your partner should be, the actions he should take, and how he should react to situations, and when he doesn’t fulfill those scripts (the ones you created in your mind), you’re upset. When you have scripts for your partner, it inhibits him from showing up as his true, authentic self, because he’s so worried about pleasing you. In an emotionally mature relationship, both partners feel like they can show up however they like, good or bad. Both partners hold space for the other to be messy, imperfect, overly emotional, insensitive, grumpy, or bitchy. No one is perfect, lease of all you, so stop expecting perfection from your partner! It’s only going to drive a wedge between the two of you, because he’ll never be able to fulfill your scripts; no one will.