7 Steps to Shift Your Energy & Attract Your Perfect Match


I am the self-professed queen of dating. I earned this title after an online dating spree that I embarked on when I found myself newly single at the age of thirty and on the lookout for my soulmate. It was only after I learned how to shift my energy that I attracted my spiritual partner, who turned out to be everything I said I wanted when I made a list of the qualities my ideal man possessed. So, if you’re looking to attract a partner, there are certain changes you can make (and it doesn’t involving buying a new wardrobe or losing weight) that will make you a magnet for your perfect match.

1.Take responsibility. Recognize that you have a deep fear of love.

According to Bruce Lipton, author of The Biology of Belief, 95% of what we believe is subconscious, while we are only conscious, of 5% of our thoughts and beliefs. While you may tell yourself that you’re ready for love, subconsciously, you may believe that love = pain, a conclusion your young mind drew after witnessing the unhealthy relationship between your parents, or family members. It’s likely that you have deep-rooted fears about love, so even though you may think are ready for a partner, on a subconscious level, you can be absolutely terrified.

It’s your subconscious mind that’s driving your actions, so until you become aware of your fears, you will continue to push away dates who are “nice” and can offer stable, healthy love, and instead, you will seek out partners who are emotionally reticent and play games. If you’re in the habit of manifesting partners who are afraid of committing, or who can’t give you the honesty and devotion that’s required in a partnership, then it would serve you to open up to the idea that you have unconscious fears that are causing you to attract others who are equally as afraid of receiving love.

2.Untether from past romantic partners.

If you are holding onto resentments or pain caused from past relationships, that will block new partners from coming into your life. One important shift to make in order to attract your perfect match is to untether yourself from your exes. How do you energetically release yourself from partners who have hurt you in the past? There are two ways: 1)You can do a cord-cutting meditation, which simply means that you visualize taking a pair of scissors and cutting a cord of light that connects you to your ex, and 2)You forgive anyone who’s hurt you in the past. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what the other person did was okay, rather, it means that you are ready to put down the weight of the anger you’ve been carrying in response to their actions. It’s only when you’re free of resentments that you can manifest your perfect match. When you hold a grievance towards an ex-partner, it bounds you to them, so be willing to cut the cord for your benefit, not theirs.

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3.Let go of your limiting beliefs.

There are no good men. I'm too overweight/skinny/old/young to attract a partner. There's no one in this city/profession/apartment complex. Romance is only in movies. It’s not real.

Limiting beliefs are any thoughts you think that keep you from manifesting love, because they are rooted in thoughts of lack. If you want to attract your perfect partner, you must choose your thoughts carefully. Affirm that love is ever present all around you. When your creepy coworker meets someone, rather than thinking thoughts like, How come she has a boyfriend, but I don’t?  tell yourself that her manifestation is proof that love is possible. There's plenty of love to go around, so make sure your thoughts are in alignment with what you say you want.

4.Put yourself out there.

While it’s a nice thought, you're not going to meet someone while you’re sitting at home in your pajamas. I’ve never heard someone say that they were watching television in their bathrobe when their soulmate knocked on the door, claiming that they had an inspired vision and they had to rush over right away. No, if you want to attract a perfect partner, you need to put yourself out there, and oftentimes, that requires that you step out of your comfort zone. Try joining a local hiking group, or a taking a local meditation, or cooking class. Here’s the key: When you learn enjoy the process of meeting new people, you’ll be much less concerned with the results. Embrace connecting with others, whether you for a romantic connection or not. Have fun for no other reason than you’re enjoying life, and from that detached, carefree energy, you’ll manifest your soulmate easily and quicker than you could’ve imagined.


5.Assess how receptive you are to love.

The people you attract into your life mirror your own subconscious fears. Attracting emotionally reticent men? You're emotionally reticent. Dating women who treat you terribly? You need to change your negative self-talk and grow in confidence. If you're not finding a partner who is a good fit for you, it's a sign that you still have some energetic cleanup to do. Use the people you meet as a barometer of how receptive you are to love.

6.Figure out what you really want.

You think you want tall dark and handsome, or rich and successful, or someone with a six pack and perfectly disheveled hair. You think you want someone who looks like a supermodel, or someone who is as conscious as Eckhart Tolle and as funny as Kevin Hart. Here’s the thing: Your perfect match is perfectly suited for you, but they’re not going to look and act perfectly in every moment. You need to figure out what you really want, and that means going beyond the superficial lists most people make. Are you looking for someone who’s honest and authentic, someone who can really communicate, or a partner with a firm body and a fat bank account? A large part of what you conceive of as perfection is derived from family, friends, and the media, and it’s unrealistic, or rooted in the superficial. Figure out what really matters to you in a relationship, and focus on people who possess those qualities.


7.Visualize & feel the sensation of partnership.

Close your eyes and imagine how your ideal relationship feels. Conjure the sensations of partnership. Let your body loosen as you experience what it would feel like to have someone with whom you could share your innermost feelings, someone with whom you shared a soulful connection, someone who will elicit the best from you. Visualize it, feel it, and let yourself feel grateful for your perfect match, even before you meet that person. Here’s the key: If you want to manifest love, you need to shift from feeling lonely to feeling like you have an abundance of love in your life, and the quickest way to do that is through visualization and letting yourself experience the sensation of partnership even before it manifests. Once you can see and feel your perfect partner, it’s only a matter of time before you attract that person into your life.


Hi, I’m Jessie! I believe you can be spiritual and a badass. I believe you can manifest and be deeply connected to the divine and your intuitive guidance. I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned, and mindful dating advice. If you’d like to set up a session to discuss how to manifest your soulmate, meditate more, or make the perfect smoothie, contact me!