Adopt a Yes Mindset to Attract Love


"He has bad posture," one of my girlfriends said, as an explanation as to why a perfectly acceptable man at the bar was not her type. "Just look at the way he's standing."

I gazed at him for longer than necessary, trying to find fault with his stance, and while he wasn't the straightest arrow, as far as I was concerned, his spinal alignment seemed perfectly ordinary. "Is anyone in this bar your type?" I asked.

People find the silliest reasons not to date someone.

I remember, a few years ago, when I was single and actively online dating. My list of requirements was outrageous. I would only date a man who was at least six feet tall, and I was even picky about horoscope signs, as I'd convince myself that I could never date a Scorpio, and of course, Aquarius men just weren't for me.

As I delved into my spiritual and mindfulness practice (meditating and reading A Course in Miracles and other texts that allowed me to look inward and shift limiting beliefs), I realized that my extremely specific list was simply a way of keeping love out of my life.

After all, who could meet my ever-growing list of requirements? It's not that I didn't consciously feel that I was ready for a relationship, but rather, my unconscious fears were driving me when it came to dating, and as a result, I had adopted a no mindset. There was always a reason as to why someone wasn't worth a date, or why someone wasn't my type, or a long-winded explanation to give about why I only wanted to be friends.

As I became more conscious, meaning, more aware of my fears and the habitual patterns I was acting out of as a result of childhood and past experiences, I slowly began to shift. I looked for reasons why I should give someone a chance, rather than reasons why I shouldn't. I edited my list of requirements, focusing instead on a man's character and emotional maturity, rather than superficial details. 

And a funny thing happened: the more I said yes in my dating life, the more quality dates I went on. Men who I would never have gone out with, either because of age, height, or physical appearance, won me over with their intellect and charisma. I formed romantic connections with people who I would never have described as being my type.

I learned a few keys to adopting a yes mindset, such as:

1.Give it a shot.

Not every date needs to turn into a relationship, but you never know. Having a cup of coffee with someone you would never imagine as your type might just turn into something romantic. Life has a way of surprising us.

2.Be willing to step out of your comfort zone.

It's easy to fall into habitual patterns when dating. We date the same sort of person, and we have the same relationship over and over again. We fall into negative patters and choose someone who feels familiar, but that familiar person isn't always the best person for us.

3.Don't pigeonhole yourself by having a type.

When my type shifted from tall, dark, and handsome to mindful, playful, and honest, my romantic life improved dramatically. Oftentimes, when we think of having a type, it connotes superficial qualities, which, at the end of the day, doesn't make for a meaningful partnership.

When dating, we can get so used to saying no that we become stuck in a negative mindset. If we decide that we're truly ready for an emotionally mature partnership, we can decide to shift by being willing to say yes more. It's when we let go of what we think we want that we open up to receiving our heart's true desires, and we say yes to finally attracting a relationship.