10 Things You Do That Keeps Love Away


If you’re ready to attract a partner into your life, but you keep going on bad first dates, or your relationships end at right around the three month mark, then you’re keeping love from your life with your thoughts, feelings, and actions. There are specific things you do that, quite literally, repulse love. The world will tell you that the problem is out there, that there are no good men left, that all women are bitches, and that the idea of a soulmate is a myth. Well, that’s all nonsense. So, what’s keeping that from you? Here’s the list:

#1 You don’t like your body.


You pinch at your middle section. You complain to your friends about your failing diets. You don’t look down in the shower. You actually hate your body, and this affects all areas of your life, most notably your love life. You want someone to love you fully, and you crave intimacy, but you don’t accept your body, and it’s this energy that is keeping love from you. You must learn to love your jiggly bits, scars, and gray hair before you can manifest love.

#2 You’re too controlling.


You are a control freak and a perfectionist. You tell yourself that you have a type A personality, which is an excuse, because your controlling nature is rooted in fear. You want to look perfect, keep your house in perfect order, and you want others to behave in a certain way. This gives you the false illusion that there is safety and order in the universe (there isn’t), and because you don’t know how to surrender, you still have some life lessons to learn before you can manifest love.

You see, love is the ultimate surrender; it’s a true death of the ego. The more you are willing to let go of your self-concept and your need to control, the more you will stop resisting love. You will surrender, learn how to go with the flow, and you will open up to the intuitive guidance that you’ve been resisting. 

#3 You accept scraps.

Your date cancels and gives you a tired excuse, but you agree to seeing him again. A potential partner acts shady, and your gut tells you that he’s not trustworthy, but you stay in the relationship. You accept scraps, and you settle for less. You think you love yourself, but you don’t, and so you settle for less. You waste your time with people who don’t value you, and in doing so, you don’t make room for your perfect partner.

As you learn to love yourself, you become more receptive to other’s love, but if you keep telling yourself that you’re fat, too old, or too crazy, you’re not going to manifest a partner who thinks you’re perfect. Read Self Love is Simpler Than You Think to find out how to begin your self-love journey.

#4 You’re over eager.

He sends you a one-line text, and you reply with three paragraphs. He asks if you’re free for Sunday brunch, and you cancel the plans you had in order to accommodate his schedule. You’re over eager, a.k.a. desperate, which repulses love. You behave in a way that says: I’m so lucky to go out with you, and I can’t wait to be in a relationship! What your desperation does not say is: You’re so lucky to be with me, and I trust that everything is working out perfectly. There’s no reason to rush things, because if you’re my soulmate, we’re not going to miss each other. If you’re over eager, you’re not confident, and confidence is sexy. If you’re over eager, you don’t trust the universe (you’re still trying to control!).

#5 You think the pool is limited.

You say there are no good men over 40. You say all women are crazy. Give me a break! Do you actually believe that God gave your friend Lucy a soulmate, but you’re not going to find your perfect match, because there are no good men, or women? First off, you’re a real pessimist, and that’s certainly going to repulse love, and secondly, you create your own reality! If you believe in limitations, you will manifest limitations. Be willing to let go of your limiting beliefs and take radical responsibility for your love life!

#6 You have unhealed trauma.

Admit it: You’ve gone through some pretty gut-wrenching heartbreak, and your parents’ relationship only taught you dysfunction. You haven’t been willing to admit how much pain you’ve felt in the past, and you haven’t done the work in order to let go of it. Instead of healing your past, you’ve been too busy eating, shopping, and dating people who treat you like garbage. Stop! Choose consciousness. Commit to a spiritual and mindfulness practice. Meditate. Pray. Ask for intuitive guidance. Be willing to take the time and energy to look at your past trauma, instead of pretending like it doesn’t exist. It’s the stuff you’re unwilling to face that’s keeping love from your present reality.

#7 You’re used to being alone.


You haven’t been in a relationship in years. You love living on your own. You love your pink bedroom, or your man cave, and you’re so used to being single that you’re actually repulsing love. You’ve forgotten that being in a relationship is about opening up, sharing, and being willing to be vulnerable. You’re stuck in a vibration that doesn’t reflect these qualities.

In fact, it’s easier being alone. You can decorate as you like, keep your house a mess, and gain 20 pounds without having to get naked in front of another human being. Deep down, you don’t want a relationship, because it’s such a foreign concept to you, and so, you unconsciously ruin relationships, or don’t manifest people who are ready for love. You’re so used to being alone that even the idea of being in a relationship makes you feel a little unsafe.

#8 You’re too picky.

You want a partner who’s tall, with a flat stomach, or big boobs, and oh yeah, that person should also make a great salary, drive a nice car, and listen to a very specific sort of music that you enjoy. Once, I had a friend who was so picky, she said she’d never live with someone who ate junk food, or who wanted to keep unhealthy snacks in the house. “What if he’s fit, but he likes to snack sometimes?” I asked. “I’ll never keep processed food in my home,” she replied. The specificity of your wish list is outrageous. You’ve lost sight of what real love is, because you’ve watched too many movies where a tall, handsome prince sweeps up a wafer-thin model and the two live happily ever after in their million dollar brownstone. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s not going to happen. 

#9 You don’t practice gratitude.


According to the law of attraction, the energy you emit is the energy that manifests in your life. If you’re negative, pessimistic, or always talking poorly about other people, circumstances, or just life in general, that energy is, quite literally, going to repulse love. One of the quickest ways to attract love into your life is to be grateful, because the vibration of appreciation is much like the vibration of love. Get in the habit of being thankful for the food you eat, the clean water you drink, and the fact that you have clothes to wear. Our consumerist culture has led us to believe that unless we have the perfect car, the perfect house, and the perfect fill-in-the-blank, we have cause for complaint. That’s complete nonsense. Choose to be grateful, even if your job isn’t perfect, your roommate is crazy, and your mom sends you annoying texts.

#10 You haven’t done the inner-work.

Read    An Easy Peasy Meditation    to jumpstart your practice.

Read An Easy Peasy Meditation to jumpstart your practice.

You’re too busy to meditate. You feel uncomfortable at the idea of prayer. You haven’t read a personal growth book in years, because you say you don’t have time to read. Really, you haven’t done any work on yourself at all, because you’re too busy working, cramming your schedule with things you don’t really need to do, and watching television. Well, that is definitely not going to attract love. When you commit to a spiritual and mindfulness practice, you declare to the universe that you’re ready to take a look at your inner-world. All of a sudden, your blocks rise to the surface. In the middle of meditation, you realize that you need to apologize to your mom. When reading a spiritual text, it occurs to you that you haven’t forgiven your ex-boyfriend. After spending five minutes praying in the morning, you feel intuitively led to move to a new neighborhood, or stop in a new coffee shop, which leads to x, that leads to y, until you’re at z.

You’re keeping love from you, because you’re so consumed with the world out there, that you haven’t taken any time to really look at your inner-world, which is riddled with blocks, angsts, and fears that have gone below the surface. You need to shine a light on your shit, and in order to do that, you need to commit to the work. Committing to a mindfulness and spiritual practice is the quickest way to transform not just your love life, but your entire life. Make it a priority. 

Here’s the good news: It’s your recognition of what’s keeping love from you that’s going to allow you to make the shifts required to allow more love into your life. It can feel hard to take radical responsibility for your love life, but it’s the surefire way to attract an emotionally mature partnership into your life. You are so worthy of experiencing the fullness of soul love, all that’s required is the smallest amount of willingness to show up, be present, and commit to your own awakening.