How to Create the Foundation for a Healthy Relationship

If you’ve been in one crummy relationship after another and you’re tired of playing games, getting ghosted, and wondering where your boyfriend is on Friday night when he doesn’t respond to the one-too-many texts you sent him at 1 a.m., then you’re ready for the secret to having a healthy relationship. Now pay attention… you need to check the foundation.

What do I mean when I say “foundation”?

According to the spiritual text A Course in Miracles, you should ask yourself the following question before doing anything: What is it for?

Think about your past relationships. What kind of person have you repeatedly attracted into your life? What are you currently looking for? A boyfriend? A husband? A partner to bring to your office holiday party? A sporty man with a 401K? A finance guy with a nice car? A dog lover who likes to travel?

Most likely, you enter into a relationship with a man because he’s cute, has a good job, and charms your mom. Your list of attributes that he needs to possess in order to be your partner are pretty surface level. You consider his physical appearance, as well as hobbies or interests that tend to be transient. Does he like Thai food? Will he go for runs with you on Saturday mornings? Is he tall? Does he drive a nice car?

Does this list look like yours? You want someone who’s financially stable, fit, and tall? You’re looking for a man who will attend a country music concert with you, or go with you to meet your friends for brunch on lazy Sunday afternoons?

Is this the foundation on which you think you’re going to build a healthy relationship that goes the distance? Do you think height and a love of Korean barbecue make for long-lasting love? If you do, then that’s the belief you need to let go of in order to manifest a partnership that’s emotionally healthy and can outlast the honeymoon phase.

Traditional relationships are founded on principles of the ego: surface-level requirements that do not speak to the deep connection that can be cultivated when two people meet Spirit to Spirit, rather than personality to personality.

In traditional relationships, you keep score. Is he going to remember Valentine’s Day? Is he going to get along with your friends? How is he going to respond to his ex when she reaches out to him? You wait and you watch. You calculate. 

You think this is the way relationships go, because you’ve learned of a singular story from the world about what love and relationships look like. Dating has become an interview process. Love has become a game. You think you know the rules, but you haven’t a clue.

This is why all of your relationships suck: They’re built on a foundation of quicksand. 

Most people enter into relationships from their ego, the part of their personality that is ever-changing and formed as a result of programming from their childhood and messages they’ve learned from the world. If you want to have a healthy relationship, however, you have to have enter into it from your Spirit, the part of you that nudges you to open your heart, extend love, and forgive. You have to forget what your mom says, what popular magazines tell you, and what you think you want, and instead, you have to be willing to be radical. You have to live on the edge. You have to surrender your programming and begin a new. 

How do you do it? 

You get in touch with your spirit. You commit yourself to a spiritual practice, such as meditation or completing the lessons in A Course in Miracles, and you raise your level of consciousness.

Be sure to read The Secret to Starting a Meditation Practice & Not Flaking.

Once you’ve committed to awakening, several things will change in your love life. First off, you will attract a different kind of man. All of a sudden, you will find that the Universe brings you mindful men who are devoted to their own spiritual practice. They have integrity, and they’re looking for a soulful connection, not just a woman with nice boobs and a good meatball recipe.


Secondly, the entire dynamic of your relationship will be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. You’ll experience more intimacy, and you’ll be called to be truly honest, communicating even the smallest micro truths to your partner.

Lastly, you’ll both learn what true unconditional love is. You’ll no longer weigh the pros and cons of your relationship on a regular basis. You’ll trust your partner completely, and he’ll trust you. You’ll no longer feel jealous, because you’ll have a deep recognition that your relationship is founded upon something that cannot be duplicated. Your connection will not be based on trivial nonsense like how glossy your hair is, or your love of hiking.

When you connect with someone from Spirit, there’s no threat to the relationship, because you will both understand that you are together for the purpose of evolving your consciousness. Your relationship will last as long as it’s serving both of your Spirits. 

Together, you’ll draw closer to the divine. You’ll be creatively inspired. You’ll release blocks to health, abundance, and creativity. You’ll learn that you’re capable of more together than you are individually; this is the foundation of a healthy relationship - when the union of two individuals brings greater light to the world than either of them individually. All you have to do is be willing to put your list aside for a moment and entertain a radical idea: that the foundation of your love can be rooted in Spirit; that as you deepen into your spiritual path, you will manifest a soul mate who’s well-equipped to go on this journey with you, and it won’t have anything to do with his height, or the fact that he, too, loves racquetball. 



Hi, I’m Jessie! I’m a dating coach and spiritual teacher, and I’d love to work with you! If you want to manifest your soulmate, heal your blocks to love, or learn how to stick to a spiritual practice, send me a message.