Why You Keep Attracting Crazy Men

If you’re actively dating, but you keep attracting crazy men, it’s likely that you’re desperate for answers as to why the law of attraction keeps bringing you different versions of John, the lunatic who yells at waiter, asks inappropriate questions, and makes you pay. 

The first thing to clear up is that you’re not attracting crazy men because you’re crazy. It can be tempting to want to place blame on yourself, as if there’s something wrong with you, but trust me, you don’t have a gene abnormality that makes you a crazy man magnet.

We’ve all been through our share of crazy. There was a time that I went on a bit of an online dating rampage prior to meeting my partner, Tim. On one date, the guy showed up in a frantic state. He’d had issues parking, and he was talking a mile a minute by the time he made it to the bar. He was rude to the waiter, and every chance he got, he complained about something else that was going wrong in his life. After we had a drink (I was eager to get home by this point), we walked towards his car (I had no intention of getting in, as I told him that I was going to walk the three blocks to my home). When we reached his car, he realized that his car had been towed (he illegally parked in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot). Quickly, he became convinced that the four men who were hanging out in the parking lot were in cahoots with the towing company, and so he launched into an uproar, screaming threats about how he was going to kick their ass.

Suffice to say, when I finally got back home, the only prayer I could mutter was, Really, God? Wtf?

So, if you’re attracting some version of my date (or possibly worse), then it’s likely that it’s because of one (or all) of the following three reasons, which is good news, because once you identify why you keep manifesting lunatics, you can make an energetic shift and start attracting emotionally healthy and available men.

Reason #1: The Universe wants you to work on yourself.

Life, like nature, operates in season. There’s a time for leaves and flowers to blossom, and there’s a time when the trees turn barren. There’s a time to plant a seed, and there’s a time to wait for it to sprout. In between the planting and the sprouting, it can look like nothing is happening. Maybe the seed is useless. Maybe nothing will grow. But sure enough, in the right season, the seed sprouts. Spring arrives, and the flowers bloom.

The same is true of your love life. There’s a season to be in a deep, committed relationship, and there’s a season to focus on yourself, to dive inward and develop a spiritual and mindfulness practice. Oftentimes, people jump from relationship to relationship without taking a breather. They’re in a frantic state, which leads to a desperate energy. They’d rather schedule a date with Joe, the lunatic from Queens, instead of sitting in their bedroom, quietly meditating. They feel unconscious pressure from their mom, friends, and the world, which sells the narrative that they’re only successful if they’re in a relationship, which is so far from the truth. 

If you’re attracting lunatics, it would be a good idea to pause, take a break from dating, and focus on your inner world for a month or two. Take all of the time that you spend responding to messages on dating apps, picking out the right outfit, and traveling to that bar or coffee shop, and instead, meditate, read spiritual books, and commit to going inward to rediscover who you really are.

Reason #2: You have unprocessed trauma.

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You experience deep trauma and pain, but you don’t process it. It becomes normal to endure heartache, to feel taken advantage of, abandoned, or betrayed. Deep down, there’s a scared part of your personality that feels rejected, that’s locked itself in a dark closet while the conscious you puts on a mask that says to the world, Everything’s okay! On the surface, your life looks fine. You’ve got a stable job. You show up for work. You pay your bills (most of them). You go to the supermarket. You do the laundry. But deep down, you have issues that have to rise to the surface to be healed. Your last relationship hurt you in ways you haven’t processed. You have childhood pain you haven’t processed. You have fears that you haven’t looked at, such as fears of commitment, or fears of receiving love. 

You’re so busy holding your life together in a constant state of go, go, go, that you haven’t taken a minute to shine a light on the pains you’ve felt, the journey you’ve traveled. You need to take a break. Commit to healing. Read articles that can give you the tools necessary to identify blocks, such as:

It can be helpful to work with a coach who can help you talk through unprocessed emotions and identify blocks. If you’d like to set up a session to work with me, you can message me here.

It takes a lot of courage to commit to healing, so it’s okay if fears or resistance surface at the thought of working through trauma (it’s normal). Just make sure that you don’t listen to those fears and act out of them. Choose to take control of your life, romantic and personally, and heal your blocks to receiving more love, joy, and abundance. You can do it. Just just have to commit to doing whatever it takes to healing.

Reason #3: You don’t love yourself, or you are holding on to guilt.

Your dating history includes a long list of men who were emotionally unavailable, dishonest, or afraid of commitment. You have guilt from things your subconscious mind claims you did, such as leaving your family by moving, getting a divorce, or outshining your relatives. You’re not aware of these feelings of guilt and insecurity, because they’re beneath the surface; they dwell in your subconscious.

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Here are just some ways a lack of self-love or guilt can manifest:

  • weight that you can’t lose

  • eating disorders

  • addictions (smoking, drinking, antidepressants)

  • acne

  • illness

  • self sabotage

  • manifesting people who are horrible to you

When you don’t believe that you’re worthy of love on a subconscious level, you manifest people who can’t love you. It’s easy to dwell in a constant state of self-hatred and not even know it. For years, I had issues with food, and I suffered from acne. These were symptoms of the root problem, which was a lack of self-love. It’s only when I decided to take the time and commit to learning how to love myself and reprogram my subconscious mind that I was able to manifest a partner who was emotionally available and able to reciprocate love in a healthy way. Be sure to read How to Stop Hating Yourself: The Many Masks of Self-Hatred.

Once you commit to taking the inner-journey and showing up for yourself in a loving way, you’ll notice that the quality of men you attract improves. All of a sudden, emotionally healthy and spiritual mature men show up everywhere! When you no longer vibrate the energy of self-hatred or guilt, the law of attraction reciprocates by bringing you men who are healed and complete. Commit to a spiritual practice and watch how quickly your love life improves.

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Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned & mindful dating advice. I believe you can be spiritual and a badass. I believe you can live boldly, pursue your passions, & love fully. If you’d like to work with me, send me a message.