How to Take the Limits Off Your Love Life

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If you want to improve your love life, either by attracting your soulmate, or deepening the connection you have with your partner, one of the first steps you’ll want to take is to identify and then release the self-imposed limitations you’ve placed on romance: how it can show up, what it looks like, and how it’s supposed to feel.

You see, we exist in a vibrational universe, and we attract people and situations to us based on the vibration we’re emitting; this is basic law of attraction 101. There’s another key component that most people don’t address, which is that you can only attract that which you believe is possible. You must not only conceptually know that what you want is possible; you must also expect it. 

This is important to note, because the opposite is equally true: That which you don’t believe or expect cannot manifest in your life.

So, if let’s say you’re single, and you want to manifest your soulmate, one of your first steps is to identify the limits you’ve placed on your romantic life. What do I mean by limits? A limitation is any idea that restricts how or who the universe can bring to you. For example, if your soulmate is 5’9, but you’ve decided that you will not date a man under 6’0, you’ll literally block that experience from ever happening. Instead, the universe will bring you really crummy tall men, with the hopes that you’ll relent on your superficial quest to meet an Adonis. 

Here’s another example: Imagine you’re single, and you claim that you’re really ready for love, but you refuse to use dating apps, or go on blind dates, what you’re doing is placing limits on the universe. It’s possible that your perfect match is on every dating app out there, just looking for the right partner. Your resistance to online dating places confines on how you can meet your perfect match.

Here’s another way of looking at it: You’re basically telling the universe, I got this all figured out. Just follow my rules. 

If you think you know how or what is best for you, you don’t, not in your romantic life, or any other part of your life. The truth is: If you are really ready to be happy, you must surrender, meaning, you must release control on your life. It can be hard, because your ego (your concept of self - the series of ideas you accumulate and decide is your “identity,” characterized by the stream of thoughts in your mind) is desperately seeking to control your life. It wants to control other people, external circumstances, and even the weather! It thinks it knows everything! 

If you want to break the limits on your love life, then you need to surrender what you think will make you happy and learn how to allow the universe to bring you whatever it wants. You need to surrender to the will of God, understanding that this is a beneficent universe that will bring you only that which is in alignment with your soul (or that which will push you into alignment with your soul). This requires trust and a connection to your spirit, which can be cultivated through a daily spiritual practice, such as meditation, or prayer. 

This is the key to having the best love life ever: You open up to what the universe wants for you. 

This is true even if you’re in a relationship. As we connect with others, our egos come up with details (the spiritual text A Course in Miracles calls these “scripts”) about how our partner should behave, the timeline that the relationship should follow, and what a romantic relationship should look like. All of these details are limits - handcuffs - that we not only place on the universe, but that bring us pain, because we’ve decided that we know what would make us happy and what it should look like!

Here’s the key: If you want to be happy, soul-satisfyingly happy, then you must be willing to surrender, especially in your love life. You must be willing to identify and then let go of any restriction that you’ve placed on your partner, your relationship, or on your definitions of what love looks like and feels like.

Stop trying to figure out what the other person should think, do, or believe, and focus on yourself. Shift your energy from one of rigidity and control to one of ease and grace. You want to flow with the universe, not fight it. As soon as you’re willing to get into the flow of life, it can bring you more than you ever imagined, because the truth is that your human mind cannot even begin to fathom what would really make you happy. You might wish for a rich stud, when in reality, your heart longs for a silly, down-to-earth partner who can make you laugh. You might dream of gorgeous arm candy, when in reality, your soul longs for spiritual connection and stimulating conversation.

When you’re willing to release the limitations you’ve placed on your love life, all of a sudden, you make room for new people to show up, divine connections, and you even elicit a different side of your current partner’s personality. The spiritual path is about shifting your perception by unlearning, shedding, and opening up; in doing so, you create room for so much possibility and love to enter your life. Imagine your love life expanding, instead of contracting. Imagine more possible partners showing up. Imagine your current partner behaving in new ways and feeling so loved and supported by you that he feels safe enough to share his inner-world and deepest desires. When you release the limitations you’ve placed on your love life (and your Life - with a capital L) begins to change for the better. You become a magnet for love in all forms, because you haven’t defined how it will show up, or what it’s going to look like, and so the universe can surprise and delight you.


Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned & mindful dating advice. I believe you can be spiritual and a badass. I believe you can live boldly, pursue your passions, & love fully. If you’d like to work with me, send me a message.