Top 10 Signs Your Date is Unconscious

If you’re on the spiritual path, trying to live a mindful life, you can’t waste your time dating unconscious duds. Sure, you’re going to find that some unconscious folk are alarmingly sex can be very charming, despite their lack of self-awareness. You may even be tempted to give it a go with a man who has no spiritual practice, but who has a 401K, a car, and nice teeth, but that would be a major mistake. If you want to continue to awaken and live from a place of presence, you need a partner who can meet you where you are. For more on why it’s a horrible idea to date an atheist, check out: Why You Need a Spiritual Partner if You’re on a Spiritual Path.

So, if you’re regularly dating, or are ready to manifest a partner, it would serve you to be on the lookout for signs of unconsciousness. It’s easy to become distracted by muscular arms, musky cologne, and a strong jawline. Forget those things! Instead, focus on your date’s level of consciousness by assessing his mindset. To do so, pay attention to whether your date falls into any of the following categories:

#1: He complains.

A negative outlook is a sign of someone who’s unconscious, meaning, he has no awareness that he’s creating his reality, and he’s unable to detach from his thoughts and observe them (such as in meditation). Instead, he ascribes to a victim mindset. Someone cuts him off in traffic, and he curses under his breath. The meatloaf he ordered is served cold, and he spends six minutes badmouthing the restaurant. This is a bad sign. Imagine making someone like this your boyfriend, or worse still, your husband. Gross! All he’s going to do is make your life miserable. Say goodbye to Mr. Grumpy. He’s got to go.

#2: He’s unwilling to meet you halfway.

He picks a coffee shop that’s conveniently located two blocks from where he lives, even though that means you need to take a long bus ride to get to the date. A man who’s unwilling to consider if the date is convenient for you is unconscious. If he’s selfish on date number one, he’s not going to magically change on date twelve. If he doesn’t value your time, or is unwilling to make some effort for the date, let him go now. He’s not ready for a relationship.

#3: He’s got a mountain of issues with his ex.

He spends a lot of time talking about his ex. He hates her; he loves her; he’s got a long story, and he wants to tell it to you. If, on date numero uno, he has nothing better to talk about than his ex-girlfriend, then not only is he not ready to move on, he’s also kind of boring. There are so many more interesting topics to explore than ex-partners when first meeting someone new. 

#4: He’s apathetic about life.


What are his goals? He doesn’t really have any. What’s he excited about? Not too much. Hobbies? Does television count? Not only is this dude unconscious, he’s a real bummer! Now, I’m not suggesting that your date should want to build a fortune 500 company, or become a millionaire. What I am saying is that it’s important for the person you wind up with to have some interest, regardless of what they are. He might be passionate about music, writing, or hiking. What’s important is that he’s living his life from a place of inspiration. If he spends every minute of his free time on the couch, eating Doritos, what it reveals is that he’s lacking excitement about lifer, and you want a partner who’s ready to have fun and go on adventures.

#5: He's not that interested in you.

On your date, he doesn’t ask too many questions. He texts five days after the date. He’s nonchalant. You wonder if he’s playing it cool. Your mind tells you that he’s just busy with work (it’s not you!). I’m sorry to say that he’s just not into you. Does that mean he’s unconscious? Well, if he continues to text you (however seldom), without honestly communicating his level of interest, then he’s probably just looking for an arsenal of options in case he’s lonely on Saturday night. You’re not his number one choice, but you’re not bad looking, so he wants to keep you in his rolodex. Forget it. You’re nobody’s consolation prize.

#6: He’s not mindful.

Meditate much? Nope. Read any personal growth books lately? Reading is for losers. Thoughts on spirituality? None to speak of. Now, we could be dealing with the nicest guy in the world here, but if you think you think your soulmate is an atheist, you’re crazy, and while you might have a fine life together, your relationship is never going to feel like it’s been lit on fire. If you are on the spiritual path (and you are if the Universe brought you to my blog!), you need someone who’s going to light you up - mind, body, and soul. If you think the sex with that atheist attorney was good, try finding a partner who is present and can connect with you on the deepest level. It’s like night and day.

#7: He’s got beef with his family.

He fights with his mom. He calls his sister a bitch. He’s got beef with his family, and even though he’s nice to you, it’s only a matter of time before he treats you the same way. If he’s rude to his mother, he’s going to be rude to you. It’s law. Accept it and move on.

#8: He doesn’t know what he wants.

Is he looking for a relationship? A bootycall? A life in the suburbs? The city? A cat? Ten children? None? He doesn’t really know. But you do, so move on. If you are looking for a monogamous relationship, choose a man who wants the same and is willing to speak the words. Otherwise, you’re wasting your time.

#9: He can’t handle inconvenience.

Your food order takes thirty minutes. The bus is late. The barista brings over the wrong drink. Your date can’t handle inconvenience. He responds to life’s little challenges by complaining, behaving rudely, or letting them ruin the night. If this is the case, run. A man who can’t handle getting a parking ticket won’t be able to handle it when you get sick, loose your job, or have to deal with a loss in your family. If he can’t cope with trivial problems, he’s not going to have the emotional and spiritual maturity to handle Life when she brings bigger obstacles.

#10: He’s stingy with compliments.

You buy him a cup of coffee, but he doesn’t say thank you. You show up in a beautiful dress, but he doesn’t compliment you. The waitress brings over the food, but he doesn’t say thank you. If he’s stingy with compliments on date one, that’s the sort of partner he’s going to be on date thirty, or forty. Conscious men are appreciative, not just towards you, but towards everyone who crosses their pass. They thank the person who holds the door for them, and they thank the bus boy who fills their glass with water. These things may seem trivial, but they are anything but; they reveal your date’s character. 

Don’t wait until you’ve invested three months to realize that your date is an unconscious dud. Instead, pay attention to how he shows up on date number one, because that’s how he’s going to show up in your relationship, should things progress. This means that you have to listen, ask meaningful questions, and trust your intuition if you get the feeling that he’s not boyfriend material. If you want you want to master the art of mindful dating, be sure to check out:



Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned & mindful dating advice. If you need help dating mindfully, manifesting a partner, or identifying and working through blocks, contact me, and we can set up a session.