What to Do When a Man's Not Interested

If a man tells you that he’s not ready for a relationship, or if you have feelings for someone, but it’s not reciprocated, then you’re probably feeling puzzled, questioning; Why is it that I feel so strongly about him, but the feelings aren’t returned? You’re probably wondering how to respond to his lack of interest in you (do you stop all communication, try to make him jealous, or get a makeover?). You might even feel so depressed that you’re simply looking for a way to cope with the heartache and despair that comes with unrequited love. Well, if any of the above apply to your current situation, then I have the answers for all three questions.

#1 Why doesn’t he feel the same way about you?

My sweet darling, I could give you the same tired answer that your mother, friends, and love experts on YouTube will tell you, which is that he doesn’t recognize what a catch you are because he’s a blind idiot, and that might make you feel better temporarily. You could create a Kelly Clarkson soundtrack, tell yourself that he’s a jerk (or that all men are jerks) and drown your sorrows in ice cream. These things will make you feel better temporarily, however, the answer your seeking is much deeper than a sugar-coated story about how great you are (although you are pretty great). The truth is that you don’t love yourself, and so you are not an energetic match to having someone love you.

What do I mean? You don’t attract a partner because you’re thin enough, earn a big enough salary, or have breasts that are shaped like perfect pears. You attract a partner because you are an energetic match, both in terms of your level of consciousness, as well as your ability to receive love. So, if you grew up witnessing dysfunction or trauma (maybe your parents didn’t model emotionally healthy love, either towards you, or towards each other), it’s likely that you are not even quite sure what love is, much less self-love. Maybe you feel insecure, or you think you need to be perfect to earn love. Maybe you’ve been so hurt in the past that your self-esteem has been affected?

What are some ways you can tell that you don’t love yourself? Perhaps you hate your body, or you struggle with your weight. Perhaps you have sex too early-on in a relationship, because you unconsciously believe that a man will develop feelings for you once intimacy has occurred. Perhaps you manifest a lot of judgment from others, because deep down, you judge yourself. Whatever for your self-hatred takes is irrelevant; the point is, he’s not interested, not because you’re not terrific (you totally are), but because deep down, you hate yourself and you don’t even know it.

There’s an epidemic in our society, and it’s a rampant lack of self-love. We’ve become so used to negative mental chatter, an inner-critic that only notices flaws, flabby arms, and saggy skin; we’ve become so accustomed to hating ourselves that we can’t even fathom what it would be like to truly believe that we were beautiful, brilliant, and worthy of love beyond all measure.

#2 So, what Do you do now That He Doesn’t Want a RElationship?

If a man plays hot-and-cold with you, meaning he expresses interest on Monday night, but then disappears until the following week, or, if he flat-out tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship, it can be very tempting to want to play games. Thoughts arise like, I won’t reply to his text for a day, or, I’ll tell him that I’m going on a date when I’m not. You might plan to accidentally run into him when you’re looking fabulous and then slip into the conversation how you’re going out with a new guy. You might think that if you play enough games, you’ll earn his love. Well, you’re wrong.

Whatever you do, don’t play games. Instead, dare to be honest. If it hurts too much to maintain communication, then tell him that it’s best that you two stop texting and hanging out. If you’re fine with being friends, then be wiling to accept that he’s not interested and let go of the hope that one day, he’s going to wake up and realize just how amazing you are.

Be willing to learn how to let go. Stop placing all of your attention on him and turn inward. Focus on your spiritual and self-love journey. Read articles like: 7 Ways to Fit a Spiritual Practice into Your Schedule, or Stop Trying to Find Yourself . Watch inspiring videos. Meditate. Start a gratitude practice. Pursue your passion projects, or learn a new skill. You need to date yourself before you date anyone else. You need to romance yourself before anyone will romance you. You need to love and honor yourself so deeply before that love will be reflected back in the love of a partner. Focus on you and stop focusing on someone who doesn’t recognize how beautiful you are.

#3 How do You move on after a Heartbreak?

Moving on after investing in someone can be difficult, as a broken heart can lead to despair and hopelessness. The simplest first step to healing your heart is to recognize you have to let go of people and circumstances that are no longer serving your highest good in order to make room for someone who can love you fully. You have to get so sick and tired of accepting crumbs that you put your foot down and declare that you will do whatever it takes to let go of this person who doesn’t recognize your worth. We’ve all been there (it sucks). It’s easy to fall into the trappings of thinking that you’ll never feel the same way about another man, or that this guy was perfect for you, but that’s all bullshit. If he was your soulmate, he wouldn’t play hot-and-cold. If he was meant for you, there’d be no way that he’d pass you by. The person who the Universe has for you will light up when he sees you. The two of you will shout excitedly: I’ve been waiting for you! Where have you been? There will be no question marks; the both of you will feel a deep connection, and the both of you will be ready to be together in a real relationship. For a more in-depth explanation about how to move on after a heartbreak, be sure to read How to Heal After a Breakup.

When a man’s not interested, you need to be willing to accept it, learn how to love yourself, and let go. When you meet your soulmate, you’re going to experience such a reciprocated, overwhelming love, that it’s going to flood your cells and transform your consciousness. You can’t even fathom the depth that a man can love you - all of you - when you’re wearing no makeup, sick with food poisoning, or behaving like a grumpy bear; he’s going to adore every jiggly bit, every pimple, and every freckle on your face. The first step to meeting him is to let go of this loser and focus on how glorious you are. Celebrate yourself, and soon enough, others will celebrate you.



Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned & mindful dating advice. I believe you can be spiritual and a badass. I believe you can live boldly, pursue your passions, & love fully. If you’d like to work with me, send me a message.