The Question You Need to Ask Yourself If You Keep Attracting Jerks

Yesterday, I went to lunch with two of my girlfriends, both of whom are single and claim to be looking for a relationship. “I’m so tired of dating,” they said, one after the other. They even went so far as to say they were thinking of adopting a cat. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said. What I thought was, That’s not going to be great as far as manifesting a relationship goes.

They went on to tell me about two of their “nice” male friends, one of whom I know and think is a great catch. “Why don’t you date him?” I asked, confused as to what the problem was.

“They’re nice, and actually, Chris is not-not cute,” one of them said, “I just don’t like him like that. He’s just a friend.” 

Here was the truth that they weren’t ready to hear: They don’t like the nice guys, because they’re so busy chasing emotionally reticent jerks.

I can see why dating was becoming tiring for them. It can be exhausting playing games with men who aren’t looking for love.

So many women claim there are “no good men,” as if they’ve gone extinct, destroyed along with dinosaurs. They complain about dating, both in-person and online, and they have a long list of reasons as to why they’re limited: The city in which they live is predominantly female; there are no men in their profession; there are men in their profession, but they can’t date them, or romance is dead. 

Women can be quick to put up the white flag and give up on love, rather than looking at their own negative patterns: They say they want a nice guy, but when they meet one, they friend zone him. 

If it stings a little to read this, then this article is for you. If you say you are ready for true partnership, and you’re ready for a “nice guy,” then you’ve got to actually, well, date a nice guy! What a novel idea! For some reason, you’re attracted to the jerks who have five other side-chicks sexy, and the guys who are looking for a relationship, you classify them as friend material.

Maybe you tell yourself that you don’t have chemistry, or you say stupid things like I want to feel butterflies. Girl, please. It’s time to grow up. You’re more than welcome to continue dating bad boys until you’re a Golden Girl, but I promise you this, one day, you’re going to regret it. When you’re finally done wasting your time on jerks, maybe when you’re a little older, you’re going to look back and feel like a fool. So why do it? Why not decide right here and now that you’re willing to break your negative dating patterns? Why not make a radical change and see what happens? Give it a shot. What do you have to lose?

It’s the moment that you’re willing to make even the smallest change that the Universe will conspire in your favor and meet you more than half way. It’s nothing short of a miracle to shift your perception, and if you’re willing to give up John, the cute jerk who only texts you at 12 p.m. on a Friday night, offering to come over, then you’ll make so much space in your life for the Universe to bring you the nicest and conscious partner you could ever imagine. 

Here’s how you do it: You ask yourself the magic question. 

Why am I not attracted to nice guys?


It’s not that there is a shortage of attractive, smart, and nice men out there, it’s that you’re not attracted to them! You get asked out by nice guys, or you meet them for a first date, but you refuse to give them another shot! Why? Why is there such a disconnect between what you say you want and what you really want? If you really wanted a relationship, wouldn’t you pick a stable, emotionally mature man?

One would think.

So, maybe you don’t really want a relationship. Maybe you’ve got some unconscious fears that you need to look at. Maybe you’re addicted to drama. Maybe you have a fear of commitment. Maybe you’re too superficial. 

Listen, it could be any number of reasons. Only you know why you’re pushing away the nice guys, and instead, choosing to date men who treat you like trash. It takes a brave and strong person to be willing to look at her own fears and own up to them, but the minute that you cultivate that bravery-the minute you stop playing victim and own up to the part you’re playing in your chronic singledom- that is the exact moment that your life will change.

If you’ve always dated jerks, try something different; date a nice guy. If you’ve always dated tall, dark-haired men, try going out with a short blonde. If you’ve never made out with a nerd, give it a shot. There are so many good men out there who would love to enter into a conscious relationship with you. You’ve just been telling them no. Why? Figure out the answer to that, and you’ll be well on your way.



Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned & mindful dating advice. If you’re ready to identify & release any blocks you have to manifesting love & healing your past, send me a message to set up a session.