The Keys to Dating Success

So many women I work with are looking for the keys to dating success. They want to know how to manifest a man and have an emotionally healthy relationship, but they’re confused, because it feels like there are more rules than ever, and no one seems to agree on what’s appropriate. When do I text? What do I say? Do I play it cool? Is it okay to pursue him? Why doesn’t he want to commit? Is it too early to tell him how I feel? Should I ask if he’s dating other people?

It’s easy to want to give up on dating when you’re playing a game, but you weren’t given the rule book. 

Well, if this sounds all too familiar, then take a deep breath and relax, because I’m going to give you three keys to dating success that are not only going to put your mind at ease, they’re also going to help you to manifest love quicker than you can click reply to an OkCupid message.

#1 Trust in divine timing.

You have a soulmate, and at the perfect moment, you are going to meet him. It’s easy to want to rush the dating process, because the nature of the human mind is to focus on the end goal, rather than the journey, but that’s not the way life works. The journey to your soulmate involves a series of shifts you will have to make and lessons you will have to learn. Once you begin to awaken, you will have grievances from the past to release, fears to shed, and a certain amount of self-love to cultivate before you can be an energetic match to your soulmate.

Here’s the key: Give up the need for God to work on your schedule. The same way children are in a rush to get older, so they can have a later bedtime, or be allowed to date, you’re in a rush to reach your end goal, and so the journey feels more like a hassle than a process to enjoy. 

Yes, your soulmate is on his way, but he might not move to your city until next year, or he might be in a process of untethering from his current relationship. There are several moving parts in the story of your life, and while it’s easy to want to rush falling in love, trust that your perfect person is on his way, and he’s going to show up at the exact moment he’s meant to. Trust me, it’ll be worth the wait when he gets here, because he’s going to blow your mind.

As it says in A Course in Miracles, “Infinite patience can produce immediate results.” This feels paradoxical, as the idea of waiting for something can make you feel like it’s never coming, and yet it’s exactly when you’re not in a rush for something to manifest is the exact moment that it shows up. The more relaxed you are about manifesting a partner, the more likely you’ll be to attract one. If you feel hurried, tense, or anxious, you’ll emit an energy that repels love, opposed to one that magnetizes it.

If you have committed to doing the inner-work in order to manifest love, be sure to check out Do You Have Blocks to Love?

#2 You cannot mess things up with your soulmate.

You watch videos about when to text, what to say, and how to play hard to get. You read women’s magazines that tell you how to apply a no-makeup-makeup look, or what to say to drive him wild. Here’s the thing about advice that involves manipulation and control: Not only is it bullshit, but it doesn’t actually work.

When you meet your soulmate, there’s no text message that you could send that would mess things up. It won’t matter if you’re wearing a ballgown, or a potato sack; if you go to the park for a picnic, or if you drag your date to Comic Con. When it comes to your soulmate, you simply can’t get it wrong.

These countless micro-decisions you feel you have to make when dating can be exhausting. Where do we go? What do I wear? Do I kiss him? Do I offer to pay? How soon can we have sex? When you meet your match, he’s going to be struck by you. It won’t matter if he’s dating women who are more beautiful, have bigger homes, or always match their toenail polish to their purse color, you will be the one he wants to be with, because you two will be connected on a soul-level. You’re not going to mess things up, so go easy and enjoy the ride. 

#3 Have faith.

We’ve lost our connection to Spirit - the nonphysical energy we can tap into for guidance. We’ve created religions, rules, and reasons to separate from others. Then, we wonder why our relationships have gone down the toilet. We say real love doesn’t exist, but the truth is, we wouldn’t even recognize it if it came knocking at our door, because we’ve put up so many walls and blinders in an attempt at protecting ourselves from getting hurt.


Manifesting love is a game of opening your heart chakra and removing blocks. It’s about connecting to your Spirit-that loving, still, small voice inside of you that wants to lead you on the path of love. When you are willing to trust in the divine, you are freed of the fearful thinking of the world. You shift to a higher level of consciousness, and, as a result, you manifest relationships that are rooted in a deeper connection than you ever could’ve imagined.

It all begins with faith. Even the smallest amount of faith can create huge shifts in your life. Rather than believing your fearful thoughts when they tell you that you’re too old, too broken, or too flabby, choose to trust in God. Trust that all things are working for your good, and God does not want you to be alone. We live in an abundant universe filled with infinite possibilities to extend and receive love. 

When you begin to cultivate faith in your life, you let go of resistance. Instead, you know that there is a loving, creative energy that made the mountains, the ocean, and sky, and it also made you. Having faith means you step out of the driver seat, because you know that just as the sun will rise tomorrow, all of life is occurring in perfectly as planned. 

It may not look like it, or feel like it, but faith means you can feel something stirring in your heart that has not yet manifested on the physical plane. The moment you trust that feeling more than what your eyes tell you is the moment that you will begin to manifest love. So, be willing to release fearful thoughts and step out of the driver’s seat. There’s nothing that you need to do, change, or figure out. Your only job is to keep the faith when your mind begins throw up doubt or fear.

Committing to the spiritual path will transform more than just your love life. Be sure to check out Why Spirituality is Cool.

Once you’ve surrendered your love life over to the universe, because you have faith that all things are working out in divine timing, you can feel peaceful as you’re dating, because you know that your person is on his way, or, if he’s here, there’s nothing you can do to mess it up. Read these keys over and over, and let them settle into your mind. When you feel fearful or stressed, repeat them, and shift your state of being. When you shift to actually believing and practicing these three keys, not only will you find dating much more enjoyable, you’ll also find that you manifest a relationship quicker than you could’ve imagined.


Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve written about mindful dating, spiritual partnership & awakening for Elephant Journal & Thought Catalog. I’m also a featured blogger on the dating site YourTango. I can help you remove your blocks to love, heal your relationship, or become more confident. Set up a 1-hour coaching session (more about that here).