Top 10 Questions to Ask on a First Date

If you are wondering how to manifest a relationship, one of the best ways to do so is to ask the right questions early on in the dating process. Rather than spending weeks, or even months, dating a someone before figuring out that: a)They’re not looking for a commitment, and b)They don’t share your values, you want to figure out who this person is before months have gone by and you’re emotionally invested.

Before I get into the right questions, let’s discuss the wrong questions, which are questions that don’t actually reveal anything significant about a person’s character, or what they’re really looking for in life. These questions are the sort of questions that your friends will ask you after the first date, such as: Does he have a good job, a.k.a., does he make a lot of money? What college did he go to? Does he have a big family? Does he have any pets? What kind of music does he like? Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s a certain amount of basic information that will obviously come up as a way to get to know someone, but it’s all too easy to spend two hours talking about Kanye West’s latest album, favorite movies, and which local restaurant is the best. Great, you both love Kanye, but who is this person, really? Is he going to make a good partner? Is he conscious? Honest? Mindful? Positive? You need to do some digging. Here’s how:

1.What are you passionate about?

As you begin to awaken, you start to realize that pursuing creative projects is vital to a meaningful life. People who are unconscious work jobs that they don’t care about, and they have very little interests other staring at screens. The more conscious a person is, the more passions they have (even if they’re not tied to careers). You want a partner who has interests: nature, cooking, singing, writing, etc. 

2.What are you looking for?

Do you want a relationship? Are you looking to date casually? People are afraid of being upfront. Instead, they play games and wait until two months in, when they realize that the person they’ve fallen for has no intention of getting into a relationship. This is not to suggest that you should talk about marriage, or the specifics of your relationship with this person on date number one, but if you’re looking for a relationship, it’s best to be honest. Stop playing games, and you’ll manifest the relationship you crave. Also, be sure to check out When a Man Tells You He Doesn’t Want a Relationship, Believe Him.

3.Tell me about your past relationships.

Here’s why you need to ask about your date’s past relationship: You need to get an overview of what their romantic life has been, because you don’t want to fall under the delusion that you’re going to be the anomaly in their track record. If you meet someone who’s never had a relationship longer than a few months, what makes you think you’re going to be the exception to the rule? If your date goes on and on about all of the ways their ex messed up, it’s more than likely that they’re going to act similarly when you two break up. If your date hasn’t been in a relationship in years, it’s because there are fears about committing and falling in love that need to be looked at. Ask about your date’s past to gauge how open and receptive to love they are, as well as how they handle conflict and if they have any lingering resentments, or romantic feelings for their ex.

4.What are your mindfulness/spiritual practices?

You’re conscious, meaning, you’re aware that some of the thoughts you think are insane, and it’s occurred to you that some of your conditioning is a result of the messages you’ve been inundated with from society. You’re aware that you’re not your thoughts, but the awareness, the spirit, that observes your thoughts. This is a phenomenal breakthrough. You’re on the verge of stepping out of the painful human condition - a life of constant fear, dissatisfaction, and emotional pain. You’re awakening, and you need a partner who is on a similar path. It’s easy to fall in love with someone who is unconscious, but also sexy, smart, and charming.

While it might be fun to date that person for a while, eventually, conflict will arise, as well as the issues that everyday life brings. If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t view the world through the eyes of spirit, with mindfulness and a sense of peace, you’re choosing a much harder life than if you picked a partner who was on a similar path, and here’s the key: If you’re on the path of awakening, your soulmate is too. Don’t settle for someone who can’t go on this journey with you. Awakening. Is the greatest journey of your lifetime. Be sure to read Can You Date an Atheist?

5.Where do you see yourself in five years?

You need to make sure that you have a fairly similar trajectory to your date. If your date wants to move to the country and raise cattle and children, but you’ve always hoped to live in a city and adopt cats, then you need to consider if you’d be willing to make drastic changes for this person if the two of you chose to enter into a relationship.

6.What are you most excited about in your life?

You want to get a sense of what’s pulling at this person’s heart. What’s motivating them? What are they excited about? Are they motivated by money? By serving, or healing others? Do they follow their intuitive guidance and take chances, or are they driven by logic and reason? If you’re a free-spirited intuitive and you sense that your date is a logical atheist who’s more concerned with their 401K than taking a leap and following their soul’s calling, then what kind of life could you really have together? Sure, you could probably make it work for a few years, and you could definitely fall in love with this person, but there’s too much of a gap in mindset. It’s easy to ignore this gap if you’re unconscious, which is why so many people pick partners who are not a perfect match and the relationship ends painfully, but once you’re conscious, you can’t settle for a Negative Nelly, an atheist, or a complainer, regardless of how sexy, rich, or funny they are. 

7.Describe your perfect partner.

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Once, I dated a man who saw himself with a wholesome, small-town-vibe kinda woman, the kind of woman who listens to country music, wears denim to every occasion, and didn’t express any radical views. I knew this early on, which is why I was surprised that he opted for me: a tattooed, free-spirited new ager from NYC. I convinced myself that we could find middle ground: We both loved nature, and I wanted to live near the mountains. We dated for about nine months, until one day, he said to me (in a disgruntled voice): You’re so out of my box. As it turned out, he was definitely not my perfect match. Ask your date what they’re really looking for, and listen if their description doesn’t align with your spirit. Be willing to admit that the two of you are not a match, rather than getting into a relationship and deluding yourself into thinking that it will all just work out.

8.What qualities do you value most in a person?

Does your date value honesty? Hard work? An adventurous spirit? Do they value intuition and mindfulness? Logic and diligence? Their answer to this question will reveal not only the sort of person they are, but also, what they’re looking for in a person. 

9.Describe your perfect Saturday.

Once you get past a number of exciting, fun dates, you will eventually settle into the ordinariness of everyday life with this person. How do they really spend their free time? Do they run 10 miles every Saturday morning and expect you to join them? Do they volunteer at church? Do they need a lot of time with their friends (and you’re not invited)? If you were to decide to be with this person, what would your life look like? 

10.What’s the last book you read that inspired you?

Again, you want to find out what drives this person (if they’re driven by anything). Are they reading mindfulness books? Finance books? Did they just take a course on web design? Are they studying music? Do they love reading trashy romance novels and nothing else? Are they hardly inspired by anything at all? Asking your date this question will allow you to assess their level of consciousness. Be sure to read How to Determine Your Date’s Moral Compass, Maturity & Mindset in 15 Minutes.

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Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned & mindful dating advice. I believe you can be spiritual and a badass.