What Does it Mean to Find Yourself?


Yesterday, after telling someone that I was going to take this summer to find myself, he responded by asking Had I lost myself? And I thought about that question, not quite sure what to say, because yes, I think I have lost myself. I think most people have lost themselves at some point in their lives, or at the very least, they are trying to figure out exactly who they are, exactly what they want, exactly what kind of life they want to create and what type of attributes they hope to cultivate within themselves. 

So what does it mean to find yourself? And more importantly, how do we do it?

While I am conscious of words and the energy they carry, and I know that the phrase "find yourself" can connote that some part of you is missing, I do stand firm in saying that maybe, just maybe, some part of us is missing. Maybe we have given part of ourselves over to society, to what is expected of us, to make someone else happy, compromising our own values, to be some image of ourselves that would portray some version of success. Maybe we've experienced trauma, or sadness, or loss, that has resulted in us pushing down part of our souls, our beings, that needs to be reclaimed.

I can't help but wonder: Who am I really? Who would I be if I didn't care what others thought? Who would I be if I was utterly fearless?

And I can feel my soul calling... it's like she is tuning me, showing me where I need to change, grow, and let go.

I have sacrificed a lot of "myself" for other people, and now I am committing to fulfilling my soul's purpose. I am committing to being uncompromising in what I want, in my own truth.

I think that's what finding myself is about.

I think finding myself means recognizing and knowing my worth, feeling okay to be the dreamy woman with stars in her eyes, speaking about metaphysics, giving myself space to change, learn, and blossom, and finding strength. 

I think finding myself means aligning with my soul's purpose and trusting my intuition, even when it feels questionable. I think it means being able to discern between ego, emotions, and what comes from my heart. I am learning that my emotions are not what's in my heart. I am learning that it's okay to want what I want to say no to anything that falls short of that. I am learning that I am creating every part of my existence, and my only work is to get incredibly clear on what I want, what my purpose is, and to line up with it.

I think finding myself means recognizing my patterns and subconscious fears: my fears of partnership, of being grounded in the real world, my propensity to detach; finding myself means seeing those fears, loving them, and being gentle with myself.

I think finding myself means that instead of going unconscious and filling whatever hole I may feel with alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, or food, instead, I go inward and see where my fears are, where I'm withholding love, and I transmute those fears...I discover what is really beneath my behaviors, choices, and actions.

I think finding myself means discovering what really brings me joy and recognizing what blocks I've put in the way of having those things.

It's quite a process, a journey, an unfolding. And it's necessary. We cannot manifest a life we love if we are unsure of what we really want, if we are willing to compromise, to change for others, if we are not willing to step into our authentic power and listen to the whispers of our heart.

Jessica Leon