Admit It: You're a Shitty Person
I’m a total lunatic. When I’m too hungry, or haven’t slept enough, I cry. I’m a picky eater, because I have a bunch of weird food intolerances. When I’m stressed, I can be grumpy, and it’s only after a lot of prayer that I will get on my knees and beg for forgiveness. When I feel jealousy erupt within me, it takes every ounce of mindfulness I can muster to not kick my feet, scream, or punch a bitch.
Here’s the thing: It’s taken me years of spiritual work and mindfulness practices to recognize these things about myself. When I was unconscious, I thought I was the sweetest, nicest person anyone could every meet. I thought I was a prize to be one, a dream gal anyone would be lucky to have. As I progressed on my spiritual journey, I realized that I not only have a shadow side that needed to be loved and integrated, but that I had many sides, and some of them were not in alignment with my Highest Self. I realized that not only do other people suck (bosses, neighbors, ex-boyfriends, shitty friends, etc.), but that I suck equally as bad, and that was a breakthrough moment for me, because finally, I was willing to change.
Admitting that you have shitty qualities is one of the best things you can do for your spiritual life, as well as your day-to-day life. It’s become an epidemic in our society to displace blame onto everyone else. People walk around complaining about the horrible behaviors of others, but they are unwilling to look at the less-than-lovable parts of themselves.
The moment that you are willing to own your terrible qualities is the moment that they can no longer direct your life.
For example, if I wasn’t willing to admit that there are times when I’m hormonal, exhausted, and stressed, and during these times, I can withdraw, or instigate a fight with my partner, then I would simply project all of my issues on to him. I’d blurt out the list of things he “did wrong” that day to annoy me, or I’d sulk in a chair, clearly out of sorts, but unwilling to have an emotionally mature relationship. Part of being mindful means I’m present to when I’m feel off-center. I apologize when I realize that I’ve been sulking, or grumpy. I own up to the fact that I acted stand-offish, and I give my partner a proper apology. Every time this happens, Tim, my partner, immediately softens, and instead of becoming angry with me, his energy shifts to compassion. He is willing to listen to how I feel stressed, exhausted, or simply off balance. He tells me that he loves me any way I come.
Here’s the key: I know exactly when I act like a lunatic. I know that parts of my personality that are less-than-lovable. I know when my pain body is triggered and I want to withdraw. This is part of spiritual maturity.
This is the result of devoting time and energy to coming into alignment with God (you can say the Universe, or any other term that makes you feel good). I’ve study A Course in Miracles. I pray all throughout the day. I practice tapping and meditation.
The spiritual journey isn’t just about developing a relationship with God, it’s about recognizing all the parts of yourself that are not in alignment with love. When you develop self-awareness, you see when these parts rear their ugly head, and you do what’s right, whether that means apologizing, giving someone a hug when you want to pull away, or forgiving someone when you want to hold a grudge.
As you deepen in on your spiritual path, two things will happen: 1)You will come to love yourself in a way that you never thought possible, and 2)You will realize how much you suck, and you will love those parts of your personality just as much. You will love them, but you won’t let those parts drive your reactions, ruin your relationships, and sabotage your professional and personal life. We all suck; we’re human. It’s a beautiful thing. But you have to be willing to recognize when you’ve withheld love, made a judgement, or closed your heart. You have to be willing to live with integrity, apologize, and do the right thing. When you are, you shift from acting out of fear to responding out of love, and you grow. You become spiritually mature and create a life with more love, joy, and better relationships. You’re not perfect, but you’re even better: You’re on a journey to becoming the most loving version of yourself, and that’s all that’s asked of you on this path.