How to Shift From Fear to Love

You think your life sucks - if not your entire life, parts of your life. You don’t like your job, your body, or your partner. You feel stifled, stuck, and are all-around apathetic. It’s not that you’re depressed, exactly, but rather, you just feel a little meh. I get it. The only thing worse than despair is indifference. 

So, what do you do if you’re feeling less-than inspired? You can try to change your external circumstances by looking for a new apartment, signing up for a dating website, or taking a salsa class every Tuesday night, but that would be like sticking a bandaid on a gun wound. It might help, at first, but ultimately, you’re going to find yourself in need of a more long-term solution. So, what is it? What’s the antidote to feeling meh? What’s the key to the kingdom? To use terminology from the spiritual text A Course in Miracles, how do you shift from fear to love?

You learn how to see your life differently. This is the way to peace. This is the road to happiness. You shift your perception.

And here’s how you do it:

#1 Detach from your thoughts.

You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness that observes your thoughts. You are spirit animated in a human body, watching your ego (your “personality,” which is simply an accumulation of your thoughts). Your mind complains. It doesn’t like the weather. It doesn’t like to work. It doesn’t want to do the laundry. It doesn’t like that person’s hair, or skirt, or mustache. Your mind doesn’t stop with its never-ending judgments and pessimism! Well, if you’re feeling stuck or apathetic, you need to detach from your thoughts by committing to a meditation practice. Watch the “you” that complains. Watch the “you” that doesn’t want to mop the floors. Notice how the voice in your mind is always going on and on and make peace with it. Let it complain and throw a tantrum, but don’t believe a word it says.

Here’s the key: Instead of identifying with your thoughts, be willing to watch them, as if there is a made-up character in your brain ranting about the strangest things.

#2 Learn what real gratitude is. 

Most of us have clean water, food to eat, and a roof over our heads, yet we complain about everything. We watch television and see advertisements that tell us that we deserve the perfect  life, and that life usually entails a gorgeous house, a fancy car, and a partner who shows up in a limousine like Richard Gere from Pretty Woman. We’ve completely lost touch with reality in our consumerist culture. If your’e on a spiritual path, you must be willing to give up this way of thinking. Be willing to appreciate every meal you eat. Be willing to appreciate your parents, even if they’re crazy. Be willing to appreciate the sun and sky. Stop asking for more. That’s your ego, not your soul.

You don’t need new hardware floors and a skinnier body to look up to the sky, feel the sun on your face, and feel blessed. When you’re willing to shift to gratitude moment-by-moment, your entire life begins to change.

#3 learn how your FEAR manifests & you stop reacting out of it.

We all have frightened parts of our personality that get triggered. If we’re unconscious, we identify with the fear and react out of it. For example, if your dad was hardly around for you when you were younger, you might have an unconscious fear of abandonment and unworthiness. If your partner said they wanted to go away for the weekend with their friends, this might trigger your fear of abandonment (even though you may trust them, the real pain is that you have a past experience that you haven’t healed). In turn, you act passive aggressively towards your partner, and before they leave, you start a fight. What are you doing? You’re unconsciously reacting out of a frightened part of your personality. When you’re willing to look at things differently, you are willing to identify and name your less-than-lovable parts, meaning, you’re willing to commit to an inner-journey of healing.

When you’re willing to shift your perception from that of victim to that of radical responsibility, you show up for every situation with the idea that you can choose love, regardless of the fear that’s triggered in the moment. You recognize jealousy, frustration, and sadness as it arises, and you learn how to let it pass without sending that mean text, or breaking up. You stop self-sabotaging and wrecking your life, because you’re no longer driven by your shadow energy. Instead, you’re driven by your commitment to love and showing up as your best self.

#4 feel the presence of the divine.

Shifting your perception means cultivating a willingness to look not just at reality (what’s going on around you), but what’s going on beyond the scenes. When you’re willing to shift your perception, it means you’re willing to develop your intuition, ask the Universe for guidance, and view life in a different way. Maybe you were fired. At first, your thought stream rants about how you won’t be able to pay your rent and how life sucks. However, the moment that you’re willing to look at things differently is the moment that you open up to perceiving how being fired is a gift. All of a sudden, you remember that you hated your job, and you’ve had a dream of finishing your screenplay. It occurs to you that one of your friends has been looking for a roommate, and you could easily cut your costs by moving in with him. When you are willing to shift from fear to love, you open up the doors of possibility. You learn how to embrace change, as well as situations that you previously viewed as difficult, or hard. You learn how to go with the flow and accept whatever arises.

#5 Stop beating yourself up.

Part of you really hates your guts. You look in the mirror and complain about your chubby belly and your poorly-defined cheekbones. You think you should’ve worked harder, gotten a better job, or manifested more money in your life. Admit it: You’re so mean to yourself!

The minute you’re willing to shift from fear to love, you open up to recognizing how awesome you are! As it turns out, you’re kind and loving! You have a great sense of style! You’re an awesome friend, and you make the most delicious chocolate chip cookies ever! You’re committed to your personal growth and spiritual path. You love silly movies, and you have a great sense of humor. When you shift your perception you recognize that you don’t need to change anything about yourself at all! As it happens, you’re a pretty wonderful expression of the divine.

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Hi, I’m Jessie! I’ve been on the spiritual path for 15 years, and this blog is where I share hacks, lessons I’ve learned & mindful dating advice. I believe you can be spiritual and a badass. I believe you can live boldly, pursue your passions, & love fully. If you’d like to work with me, send me a message.